I have now gotten a preview of how the Holidays can be. This was the first Thanksgiving in 21 years that I did not spend with my husband. By the looks of all the shit on Facebook, that was perfectly fine with him, he is smiling and laughing and attending expensive sporting events, while trying to take MY money. I have filled my time with work. I am literally working my ass off. Soon the snow will be here and shit will get real. My one hour commute quickly becomes up to two. Work is my focus, second only to making sure my girls are doing well.
Holidays are so stressful. I have found that I can’t even shop online this year. Having a really hard time with all of this but trying to hold on. This being alone thing is super satisfying sometimes, but sometimes..it just sucks.
One of my daughters is enjoying an amazing visit with her BFF to NYC. One of them is making her way, working hard, paying her bills, and being amazing. They are my foundation. And I am pretty sure, they are the only ones who will not eventually say good bye to me. My life has had a lot of loss, this loss I chose, but it still hurts like hell.