Holidays SUCK

brace-yourselves-the-holidays-are-coming

So here we go, holidays alone.  meh.  In 2006, my husband I were separated, and we got back together on Christmas Eve.  That won’t be happening this year. When I chose my husband, one of the reasons was specifically because I thought he would be a good dad.  Since my dad was horrible, the bar was not set very high to be better than him.  But I saw him with babies and said yup, that is what I want.  Our kids are now 19, 17.  Our youngest in a senior in high school. They are not babies by any means, but also are not at the ages where the don’t need their parents.

Holidays, what the fuck are they really?  When I was younger, we were all over the world due to USAF.  Often we were not with extended family on holidays, but we were usually all together.  The few holidays that we DID spend with our family down south are amazing memories for me. Also dysfunctional but mostly amazing.

All of my kids holidays to date have been spent with family.  Maybe not the entire family, because of wonky work schedules; but always with family.  It was important to me that it was done that way.  Looking back I spent a lot of time trying to embrace the idea of the perfect family, perfect extended family as well.  Overlooking shitty things that were being done and said in an effort to keep the “family” together.

So imagine my surprise when I got the message “I will be out of town with other family for Thanksgiving, I am sure the kids want to be with your mom”.  OK back the fuck up dude.  First of all, check your info.  My mom is not even going to be in town, and of course I am working.  I told him to check with the kids and see what they want to do.  and what is this I am sure they want to be with your mom shit? They want to be with family, including myself.  I truly feel there is something else motivating this trip, and I don’t even care about that part. I knew it was happening from FB awhile ago…he just dropped it yesterday. Don’t care about that either. Maybe I am looking too much in to this, but it sure comes off like you don’t want to spend the holiday with your kids.

I really hope that I will be able to spend Thanksgiving with my kids.  I have sent them message letting them know if they want to go with their dad there are no hard feelings. Just one more disappointment, one more thing reminding me why I left. No turning back now.

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