All too often, we get so busy with day to day drama that we forget who the fuck we are.  Lately, while my brain going a million miles a minute, I lost myself. Am I proud of this? No. But for a minute, I forgot who I was.  Now I am trying to remind myself of this power inside.  The one that has never failed me, the one that has always kept me strong.  My survival percentage is 100%, it isn’t because of who was around me, it is because I am me. For about 18 months, this strong, cold woman has survived, now she must be resurrected.

It is very important that we lift one another up when someone is struggling.  One of the things that I do love about working for DOC is that during this struggle, I have another “family” and the people in that family worry and take care of one another.  It is more than just a group wearing a uniform.  We see, here, smell and feel shit that others really could not wrap their brains around.  This combined with the OBNOXIOUS amount of time we spend together ties up this weird little group, and makes us a weird, dysfunctional family.

This weekend, a coworker approached me asking if I was ok.  I told him “I am fucking sad man; how did you know?” That officer reminded me that we are family, that he sees me everyday and could tell. This small, kind act stopped my temporary pity party.  It reminded me that no matter how alone I feel, support is there if you just ask for help.  My goal is no longer to not have to ask for help, my goal now is to learn how TO.  This is one of the most difficult times I have every experienced, but I will NOT merely survive.  I will THRIVE. This is my time, and there is a lot of life left to live!!!!



  1. You’re friggin amazing, lady…even when you don’t feel it. I’m so sorry to read how sad you are and to vaguely understand the struggles. You’re one of the coolest, kindest, REAL people I know. Keep on keeping on, and for Pete’s sake…let me know when we can grab a coffee (or a shot of tequila).

    Liked by 1 person

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