Grown ass mean girl shit

meangirls

Working as a female in a female correctional facility has so many challenges that you will not find in the men’s jails. Women are fucking mean.  They are catty, organized and have long memories.  Am I stereotyping?  Nope. Most of the women in the facility are so wrapped up in who and what drug they do while inside, that they forget they have families that are waiting for them at home, kids that are missing their parents.  Sometimes I would love to grab one of them and shake them until they can’t speak.  It would do no good, I can’t imagine a life in jail, but some of these women think this is summer camp.  RIDICULOUS

When I first started my journey to be a CO, it was with the utmost of positive reasons. It went much further than the paycheck, which is nice, but FULLY EARNED.  I wanted to be a role model for people who are experiencing the spin out effects of PTSD, a person someone could look at and say, she didn’t break!  She is strong.  I thought that through positive communications and leading by example that it would do some good…it doesn’t.  They tell you not to divulge any personal information to inmates so they are not aware of my silent struggle, but I am losing the faith that I could make a difference.

It has now been a full year at this facility. That does not seem like a long time, but I have seen 30 officers come and go in one year, and now I realize why no one is super friendly with the rookies out of Academy.  I worked two weeks at a men’s facility and I want to move and work with the men, I would LOVE to.  Even though when I first went there I felt afraid, I still received many positive accolades and felt stronger as a CO when I left there. The first and foremost difference between men and women population is definitely confrontation.  When men are mad at each other, it is typically a “legit” reason to be mad at each other.  They express their aggravation, and fight.  Then it is over, and sometimes those guys are best friends again the next day. Most of the time the CO only hears about it afterwards, when they say “I took an elbow on the basketball court” to explain their injury.

When women don’t like each other it is a whole different ballgame. Have you seen the movie mean girls? It is exactly like that.  Typically they need  ZERO reason to dislike one another.  It can just be a glance in their direction with resting bitch face and then it is on.. like donkey kong.  They will rally, getting other women on their side against whomever they are angry with.  Then it becomes a group of women ganging up on one.  ALL THE TIME  Once in a while an inmate will try this with their officer.  This is when you realize that any “rapport” that you thought you may have with the inmates is an act, it is all an act.  Recently I received an extremely ugly and rude person to my unit.  Ugly to the soul, I can see it. The funny thing is in one year I have never used that adjective when describing an inmate.  For some reason, this wretched human hates my guts.  Which is aggravating because I receive a lot of respect from the other 150 inmates in here.  When we were in Academy, we were told this would happen.  They told us our families would be threatened and they have, they told us the inmates will be nosy and find out your information and they do.  I no longer believe half of what I am told, because I see that the inmates are trying the mean girl shit.  They smile and nod to your face then file grievances against you when you hold them accountable.  This is another reason that I don’t even park in front of the facility, because an inmate worker saw my license plates and spoke about it inside, now they know where I live.  Who knows what else they know.

One thing I have noticed about the addict brain, is that they can become fixated on ONE IDEA or person or thing, (always a negative thing-they rarely fixate on positive things) and it becomes like a record skip in their brain. They can’t let it go and they will over and over repeat the same things.  The definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  So who is insane here? Me or them? All I know, is I am tired of inmates threatening me and my family, it is getting really FUCKING OLD.

“We are all a little mad here……” Stay safe to all my brothers and sisters

Advertisements

One thought on “Grown ass mean girl shit

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s