I truly believe when a person decides to go in to Corrections that they probably have one or two very important reasons. Every officer has a different one specifically, although there is a decent group of us who are we’re looking at things like financial stability which ultimately, along with the growing up of my daughters is what pushed me here. I truly wanted, and still do want to help people, any way that I can. I wanted to be an inspiration that you can have a traumatic childhood and recover successfully.
So now It is funny that the reasons I became an officer are exactly the same as why I did not for all of those years. Often days I am reminded of this, today was one of those days. My father committed Suicide when I was 16 after ruling as an alcoholic and abusive monster for all I can remember. So to say that I take it serious is the hugest understatement ever. When my husband who is also an officer told me about be suicide prevention and awareness training I thought fuckkkkkk I’m going to cry and yeh I did. Because I am HuMaN and compassionate of others. So I got through it and I have seen some attempts and the aftermath as well, physically, mentally on the person, on the faces of their visitors, in the officers who are cold on response because they have seen too much.
But what they don’t talk about in training and they should is the fake attempts. Because they happen. They happen often. They happen for a lot of different reasons. They happen when they get in trouble for their own bad behaviors. They happen when they want a room change. They happen when they sometimes wanna just go to seg to chill alone with their own toilet and private room sometimes, having meals and meds delivered. knowing an officer has to look at them every fifteen minutes, at which point they will ask the officer to do things for them out of pure enjoyment or to just yell at an officer every 15 minutes because that officer is probably too busy to write tickets when they are already where they would be sent if they were guilty. Because that is what is required of us if these women even say they are going to do something that implies self harm.
They know exactly how far to go with their statements and with their actions. They break your heart. But then make you frustrated and angry and then the circle goes around again. Taking time away from those who relay do need the help. It’s a sick and twisted game. It is part of what makes us cold. Stay true to yourself, don’t lose yourself because of this job they say. Then I go back another day … be safe out there sisters and brothers of the DOC