Is it the end of us ?

I was raised off and on with a very Conservative Christian background. Primarily southern baptist. We had a lot of strict guidelines given to us, all with good intent I suppose, as it seemed the secret lives behind the conservative outer appearance was quite the conflict. It wasn’t until after my fathers suicide in 1989, and the result of my own private search for religion, of sprituality when I began to research and discover other beliefs, and began to form my own.

If I had to subscribe to a certain group, I would say that I identify most with the Buddhist belief system, albeit something that requires a real strength and dedication to your faith, one I have never fully attempted, but most of their  beliefs I agree with and practice regurally.  My basic belief system includes most of the 10 commandments listed in the bible, with a side of good old fashioned kindness and generosity, as well as a true belief in karma. I intermingle it with the parts of Buddhism that I can practice on a regular basis. I picked and chose the parts of many different beliefs / religions to make mine.  The basic belief to do unto others as you would like done into you, a basic karmic approach to living.

If you’re wondering why I am writing about religion today, it’s because my heart hurts. These senseless terrorist attacks in the name of religion hurt me right in my karmic belief system! Should we hate all who belong to these religions? No, we shouldn’t hate anyone!! What?! That’s right I said it, all this hate is what fuels the violence. People can do these things in the name of whoever the fuck they want, but it’s wrong. I feel qualified to make this statement, my stamp of approval is there, shout it from the soapbox!

What are my qualifications to make this statement? I am part of the lower middle class of America, and I’m a human. I’ve made mistakes and cleaned them up, I’ve made beds I had to lie in, I have been a victim in every sense of the word at different points in my lifetime. Now in my forty something years on this earth, been there, seen that;  and I’ve never wanted to take a life in the name of anything. And I am also so very aware of how precious my life, your life, everyone’s life is. All lives matter, we are but tiny solar blips in the grand mass of what is this life, this existence, this world we are living in, this home. Yet all people, their lives, they leave a imprint, they’re never forgotten. We see them in others DNA, long after they are gone.  We see them in projects they were involved with before they were taken from us. We feel the pain in our hearts, it hurts but helps to mold us in to who we to our we can do the same for the next.

This event has taught me that although I had an enormous amount of resentment in the way that I was raised, I’m grateful that it wasn’t in the place or circumstance of people who kill, rape and destroy, spreading hate,  and are happy to do so, in the name of their God or religion. If anyone deserves a true good old fashioned American “Fuck you” it’s these people. I pity them, it requires more effort than hating them. But I want to hate them, but that’s part of my pick and choose belief system, I HAVE to NOT HATE. It’s hard as shit.

My heart hurts for the people affected by this tragedy, it hurts for the new fear that has been placed again in to the heart of innocent people, who were just going about their days, in a content and happy state to have their worst fears come true, to have their hearts ripped out; for their loss. It hurts for the people who have already lived through these types of tragedies, to just have that band aid ripped off again. To those people I say find the strength. Shine your light, don’t give up on love, or living. Keep believing you can make a difference. We can’t change the whole world but we can change someone’s world. One by one we can spread a message of peace and remind people that it’s possible.

Don’t stick your head in the sand ignore it, for it will climb right in to the very hole your head is in. Don’t be afraid, choose courage.


We can do it. Will you do it?
RIP to all lives lost in senseless terrorist acts


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