Now that I am a mother of two teen girls, I hear my mother frequently in my head (also in my ears, she doesn’t live far away) but this morning she’s louder than ever, and she is in California, while I am on the east coast.
My oldest daughter has been with her boyfriend for almost a year now. He’s a great kid. He’s not the smartest lol ..what 17 year old boy is? He treats my daughter like a queen. Recently, she mentioned that she was attracted to this other kid. I kind of shut her right up and said nope . that’s wrong .. wtf.
Now it’s a few days later and she’s been super stressed. She asked to stay home today and we chatted. I asked specifically what was going on, and she told me. What happened next was great. I had the privileged opportunity of being able to tell her some super important things about relationships. Now whether she listens or not , it’s in her court, but I feel secure being told some things that I was not taught or shown as a child growing up in dysfunction junction.
1-The grass isn’t always greener. That’s self explanatory..but I did go a bit further having the recent horrid experience of someone else’s to reference for real life examples
2-Boys sometimes act one way to get a girl and then act another once they have her; this has been proven, girls do it too, don’t ever be that girl (doubt that would happen we are kind of an “in your face” family)
3-You can think someone is attractive without acting upon it, you can have guy friends without them being your boyfriend – but it’s tricky. Always respect your relationship
4-Don’t break up with someone who has been nothing but good to you for a reason like finding someone attractive, or being curious about something you may not have yet experienced. Remember loyalty, if you don’t love them this is different; but if you do, be real about it
5-This world is now a culture of immediacy and urgency. Genuine feelings of love and kindness do not require elaborate accessories, translate that how you want, I’m talking mostly economics. But the immediate replies on texts and social media, when in reality sometimes the other person is friggin busy..working or whatever aren’t necessary for your relationship to work. These are bonuses to the relationship, and your relationship shouldn’t be on virtual everything. It should be in your face, real conversations, real memories with no electronics attached to them, literally. Some of my best memories I don’t have a pic of – and they’re still there ⭐️
It makes me sad that kids now don’t really know the excitement of getting a note folded like a football from you crush, but then knowing it would be at least another 24 hours before you could respond or see that person. Because phone calls were expensive, and usually the phone was on a ten foot cord in the kitchen. No computers were around – my dad had one -I had an Atari. The rich kids had their own phones in their rooms ! lol when was the last time you saw a kid without a phone in their hands?
And we worked and had sports practices and took classes and we worked. We worked harder at responsibility than sociality. We were working towards the future…for when we were 30, 40. We felt invincible. I believe in life experiences but these kids want it all and they want it now. It doesn’t work that way for a realist. Families are bankrupting trying to keep up with their neighbors and relatives. No one is working for future, everyone is just trying to survive today.
The American Dream has become a fantasy, at least as its original definition. So let me declare MY dream. That’s right I have a dream. I dream that my children develop in to amazing individuals who aren’t clouded by cynicism. I dream that someday I won’t worry about money every day. My dream is to retire with my love somewhere with lake access so that when my grand children come if I have them; (I hope so) we can make memories on the lake. Memories that were robbed from me on dysfunction junction, memories I have been making on my own – My dream is to spend the rest of my days laughing. And I’m trying, my dream is to be happy. I chose it. Hopefully, my daughters will choose it too 💕